Weigh-in Tuesday: What I Ate Today

Happy Tuesday, everybody. 

And like every Tuesday, it's weigh-in day.  And I'm happy.  You may be confused by this - especially since I am about to tell you that I am actually up a pound, back at 299.

But I'm happy.  About a few things, even.  I'm happy that it's not in the 300s.  I'm happy that I'm on this journey.  And I'm happy that I feel like I'm hitting my stride again.

I know - I know.  Heidi, you are up a pound.  How are you hitting your stride?

Well, I had a few challenges this weekend... mostly having to do with feeling lonely, and the ensuing depression, and as a result, eating a few larger-than-they-needed-to-be meals that I didn't cook myself.  Since Tom's now on 14-hour days, plus 9 hours each weekend day, I'm on my own a lot.  And if there's no one in my immediate vicinity to check in with, I have a harder time keeping those meals in check. 

Since Tom started working away at his current gig, I'd also been cooking a batch of food at the beginning of the week that I would dole out for lunches.  Tom is - in my opinion - the more gifted cook between us (though I'm getting better!) and when we were both working from home, he handled all of our lunches and dinners (other than my own protein, since he doesn't eat it.)  The trouble is that I get easily bored.  And lunches all year were our "special" meal - we usually made them larger and with more variety. 

But, yes - I have hit my stride again.  I did this in a few different ways:

• When I sat down to plan my food for the week, I decided I'd try to cook a different breakfast, lunch and dinner,  from Monday to Friday.  
• Putting a solid schedule together with time set aside for cooking has helped me put some structure back into my day, which was increasingly getting away from me.  
• Since I struggled with my accountability last week, I decided I'd also photograph each meal this week, and share them here.  (I'll even post brief photo entries on Saturday and Sunday to keep up my momentum.)
• My core problem - loneliness - isn't fixed by hermit-like behavior.  The more I skulk around in my own shell, the more depressed I become.  So I've been making an effort to be more social this week.  My dad and I are doing daily check-in caalls to discuss our food.  I went to a crafting day on Sunday, I had a Skype date with Rena on Monday, a picnic date with Audra today, and there's a Thursday lady-date with Patty and Alexa.  Plus three separate social occasions this upcoming weekend. 
• A byproduct of shell-skulking is negative self-talk.  It has been my natural state for a long time, and even when I feel like I've mastered it, it happens again before I can even realize I'm doing it.  I'm back to acknowledging myself when I catch negative self-talk, and curbing it as soon as I do.  Man, it helps.
• And, a never-fail pick-me-up: exercise.  I did well last week (5 workouts) and I'm planning to beat that this week.

I'm feeling happier, I'm taking more action, and I'm taking better care of me. 

Here's what I ate on Monday:

1 slice whole-grain toast, 1 tb fat-free ricotta mixed with a splash of sugar-free almond Torani, sliced nectarine.

Boiled egg.

6 oz skim milk, vitamins & meds.

Light tortilla with 4 oz grilled turkey burger with 1 Laughing Cow wedge and pickles.
1 turnip, baked - with ketchup.  1 plum.  Water.

1 small baked potato with 1 tsp Earth Balance and 2 tb TJ's fat free sour cream. (Best 15 calories ever.)

2 cups of steamed broccoli with lemon.

Not pictured: 64 oz water, 1 Sobe LifeWater Zero, 1 donut.  (Yes. Sue me.)

Calorie total for the day: 1340. With donut.


**

OK.  I'm on track.  How are you?  Anything we can talk about, to help you get there?  To help you take care of you?

Weigh-in Tuesday... goodbye to 3!

Happy Tuesday!  I took Monday off for Labor Day, and am buckled in this morning for a good week of blogging, and a busy week of life as well - preparing for my dad's arrival on Friday, and the  Supper Club I'm throwing for him on Saturday.  I can't wait!

I'm going to cut to the chase because I'm excited about my weigh-in this morning.  I'm down one pound.


299!

Yes, that's right, I'm out of the 300s.  And I'm determined that there will be no gains in the future that will put me back there.  I am saying goodbye to 300, and everything got me there.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm going to remember everything that got me there.  And I'm going to remember everything that got me out, and will keep me on the path to good health.  After all... I am now over two-thirds of the way to my first goal (which is to lose 100 pounds) and I'd like to meet it before the year ends. 

An old theater friend of mine commented on my previous post - saying that I looked good but that I always did.  And I'd like to clarify that I love me at 366 every bit as much as I love me at 299.  That me was the very first me to make the same decision I now try to make every day - to take care of me.

I found this image via pinterest, and it made me smile.
I *am* both.

How are you taking care of you this week?

On veering from the path. Plus a recipe for an unexpectedly tasty strawberry salad you HAVE to try.

It's been a week of celebration, but all parties inevitably meet their cups-scattered-on-the-counter end.  So today, I'm going to talk a little bit about the track. And how I've recently... slightly... gradually... veered from it.

For me, the track isn't that narrow.  Or that hard to traverse.  If you're a regular reader, you probably even know what it looks like:

• I plan what I'm eating.  
• I stay mindful about what I'm eating.  
• I don't keep things in the house that will trigger disordered eating.
• I exercise regularly.

 Except that over the last week or so, it's looked kind of like this:

• I plan what I'm eating for two days while our guests are here, and then eat what's left over in the fridge.
• I stay mindful about procrastinate and forget to log what I'm eating.  
• I don't keep things in the house that will trigger disordered eating, but when guests bring trigger foods, I allow myself to pull that trigger.
• I exercise kind of regularly.

My intake hasn't been terrible.  I haven't eaten more than I've burned, so there's been no gain - I did just get down to 50 pounds lost.  But when I look at how far I've come, I know that being passive about my health just isn't enough for me anymore.  I feel my best when I'm mindful and even-keel about the energy I take in and the energy I put out.

I think I know, in part, what set me on this slight veer from my path.  I have surgery coming up, and the very thought of it made me feel emotional.  So many questions.  First of all, will it even work?  And how will my body handle the blood thinner switch-a-roo that they'll have to do before I can go under the knife?  I've never had surgery before, so how will I react?  How will I handle slowing down my weight loss progress because I have to sit and convalesce? 

I'm proud of the fact that my answer to these questions wasn't to eat to distract myself.  Instead, I acknowledged that there's going to be a bit of a slow-down in my progress for the short run, while I recover.  But this isn't a race.  There's not even a finish line, because it's a lifetime project.  So I wasn't going to try to lose as much weight as possible before the surgery, in an effort to make up for lost time.  I wasn't going to nudge myself over the edge into disordered undereating or overexercise, the same way that I wasn't going to slip back into disordered overeating or couch potatoism.  What was that Mr. Rogers song my parents always used to sing?*  "Be patient.  Be patient.  All good things take time."  But here's the thing: when you give yourself permission to be patient, it's not a free ticket off the path.

Nevertheless, while I've been a little freer with the calories, I'm not going to punish myself for it.  I'm just going to recommit to the path that works the best for me.  I'll be doing that by working on each of those bullet points above.

Something else that will help is to bring more fruit back into my diet.  My goal for each day is to have 3 servings of fruit - and I let that slide over the past week or so.  I've been lucky to get 2 servings on a good day.  And it's interesting to see how that affects my cravings.  It made it all the harder to resist the cookies, cheesecake and ice cream pints that were in our house.  We never buy them for ourselves so I rarely deal with the temptation. But I feel like I might have been able to say no to them if I'd been eating my regular fruit.

So... there's no better time for a salad recipe starring that beautiful berry of the straw.

Strawberry-Cucumber Salad

We came upon the concept for this dish at the Hollywood Farmer's Market last weekend, where the nutritionist on staff was offering samples of this unexpectedly brilliant combination.

Chop the cucumber and strawberries (1:1 ratio) into similar-sized pieces.
Then macerate the strawberries in 1 tsp sugar and 2 tb balsamic.

Just before serving, combine macerated berries with the cucumber and 2 tb chopped basil.
A squeeze of lemon juice is very good with this as well.

One last thing to help me back onto my path: I'm also going to go back to something that has worked for me in the past: sharing my daily intake at the end of my blog posts, every day for the next week.

By tomorrow morning, I'll have retroactively logged all of the food I didn't log yet, and at the bottom of tomorrow's Fashion Friday post, I'll include what I ate today.  Onward and upward - I'll take care of me.  And you take care of you.

*Not the one you're thinking of, dear family.  Though I will admit that I totally teared up when Dad sang "I'm Proud of You" for my 50 pound loss this week.

Big news for weigh-in Tuesday, plus my guest post at ALL THE WEIGH!

Good morning, and a beautiful weigh-in Tuesday morning it is.

I have some news for you.

It's big news.

As of this morning's weigh-in, I weigh 316 pounds.

I have lost 50 pounds.

I'm excited, and proud, and it makes me feel even more committed to my journey towards health and strength.  It's just a number, but to some people, it's a number that says "she isn't kidding around."  And I'm not.  This life journey is for real.

An exciting link for an exciting morning... Kenz at All the Weigh invited me to do a guest post, so you can head over to her blog to read my tips on how to be a foodie while losing weight.

I'll be back tomorrow with an Adventure Wednesday that is a celebration of my news today.  I can't wait to share it with you. And in case I haven't told you enough lately... your support is a major part of my success.  I am grateful to each and every one of you who is helping me along on my journey.

Take care of you today - and every day.  I know you can do it!

On rewards, bicycles, and dresses

There's a trend in the weight loss blogging community to reward yourself with something tangible for each milestone hit.  Some people reward every 10 or 20 pounds.  Some people start small (like a pedicure for 10 pounds lost) and grow gradually with each increment.

I like this idea, but our budget just doesn't allow for it right now.  Two freelancers between gigs equals "let's not buy anything new that isn't completely urgent."  (In other news, if you happen to need the services of a freelance writer, or a film/tv editor, by all means let me know.)

I have found this journey to be reward in and of itself, but there's something nice about the idea of working toward a fun goal.  So I've decided, in the hopes that our next gig comes in, that I will be working toward two different motivational rewards.

At 100 pounds lost (that's my current goal) 
I'd like to purchase a bicycle and some accessories.

I haven't biked since my last one was stolen in college over ten years ago.  So this week, I stopped into Orange 20, a local bicycle shop, the other day.  They were very nice, and very helpful, but it seems like they're focused on selling to the long-term, bike-crazy mindset.  And most of them seemed out of my price range at $1,000+.  They did help me to understand what I'm looking for, considering where I live and what I hope to do.  I'll want a multi-speed cruiser bike with a hand break.

If necessary, I'm sure I could find one on Craigslist or Ebay.  If I have the available funds, though, I have my eye on a few different options that fulfill both my aesthetic style and my laid-back approach to biking.  (I'm no racer or off-road explorer; I just want to enjoy another fitness option with a mellow ride on bike paths or to the Farmer's Market.)

This is the Electra Coaster. I love the retro styling,
and it's gotten great reviews from other riders

This is the Schwinn Jenny 7.  Clearly I have a thing for classic bike styles.

And, of course, if I'm going to go retro, I'm going to need a wicker bike basket.
This one is by Electra.

Plus, huzzah, they've come up with cute bike helmets since I last wore one!
This adorable number is by Yakkay, which has several different hat looks for their helmets.

When the time comes, I'd love some bike advice from the avid bikers. (Especially from you, Bro J)

At my final weight (I don't know what it will be) 
I'd like to purchase a Kate Spade dress.

I haven't locked in a final goal, because I think it will really be up to my body.  No doubt I'll plateau at some point down the line.  In order to reach what's considered a "healthy" BMI, I'll have to lose another 100 pounds from my first goal... but I don't know if my body will make it all the way, or make it farther.  I have seen the pictures of my ancestors, ladies working all day in the fields who are still pretty heavy.  I mostly want to make sure I'm healthy and active and not having to restrict or over-exercise to get to that weight.  So I won't be purchasing any "investment" dresses until some time after I've reached that final weight - so I know that I can maintain it.

I'm not a "label" person - I don't care about wearing logos or being loyal to a particular brand.  But every season, I see the beautiful colors and shapes in the windows of the Kate Spade store as I walk past, and I think "hey, that's what I'd wear every day if I could."  Something about the classic full skirts and the retro patterns calls my name, and I hear they're constructed really well.  It's nice to have a few long-lasting investment pieces in a wardrobe.  (It feels weird to be letting all of my investment pieces go; very little that I was wearing last year fits now, except the things my mother-in-law tailored.)

Here are a few cute examples of Kate Spade dresses:

It is all just, you know, pipe dreamin' at this point, but I look forward to the day that I hop on my little retro bike, in my little retro sundress, and coast off to the farmer's market to buy a bouquet of flowers to tuck in my bike basket.  Can't you just see it?