2011: Looking back

Hi, everybody.  I still exist -- and I'm committed to blogging regularly in the new year.


For starters, here is an end-of-year survey that I try to do every year.  It helps me take stock of what I've done, and how far I've come.  In 2011, it was pretty far.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
I lost my job.  I became a freelance writer.  I worked with my own clients.  I finished a spec script.  I started a blog.  I reached out for help with my food addiction.  I lost 70 pounds.  I no longer needed blood pressure medication.  I started Supper Club 600.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any specific resolutions, exactly.  But I made a lot of strides on two specific paths: the journey to better health, and the journey to a fulfilling creative career.  This year, I'd like to keep making goals on those two paths, and following through on them.

3.Did anyone close to you give birth?
My niece was born in March!  Also, three friends (Ashley, Aimee & Cindy) and one cousin (Jenny) all had kiddos in 2011. 

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, but a few people close to me lost loved ones.

5. What countries did you visit?
We stayed close to home this year.  It was a year of reflection, of looking inward in all ways.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
I'd love for all of the work I've been doing to come to fruition.  I'm down by 70 pounds, but I'm still not fully healthy, not fully strong, not fully capable of the kind of movement I'd like to be doing, so I want to put in the same hard work on my health this year, and see/feel stronger and more agile by the end of 2012.  Likewise, I've done a significant amount of screenwriting, and my goal for 2012 is to make that into a full career.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Perhaps March 11 - our first Supper Club?  Perhaps January 3, when I lost my job (which made possible the amazing year that followed.)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
 I think that my biggest achievement of the year was that it was the most achievement I've ever had in a year.  Losing weight and getting stronger; working as a freelancer; writing scripts and starting a blog; cooking healthy food for myself and for my supper club...  that's a lot of achievement for one year.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I wouldn't call anything I did this year a failure. I worked extremely hard. My momentum slowed in the fourth quarter, but I do not regret it.  I'm a work in progress.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
 I had surgery in July, and after the recovery, I felt much better.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
 Healthy food.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Everyone's.  I have so many friends who made it through challenges.  So many who have helped me make it through mine.  I am so grateful for everyone in my life.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The Hollywood arsonist upset me.  I do not understand the impulse to endanger people or their property.

14. Where did most of your money go?
While both of us were unemployed, our money went to the basics.  Later on, it went to the things we'd put off while we were only paying the basics.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Slimmons - the strength I got from the workouts, and the support I got from the entire community there, from Richard on down.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Probably Lady Gaga's "Born This Way," in terms of its release, of my sudden awareness of pop music again (from Slimmons) and because it reflects coming to terms with myself, which I did a lot this year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
Happier.  So, so much happier.

b) thinner or fatter?
Thinner.  And it was a lot of work - and will continue to be, for the rest of my life.

c) richer or poorer?
Poorer than Dec. 31 2010, but richer than January 31, 2011.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Communicating with my loved ones when I felt off-balance.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Taking it out on myself - or putting myself down - when I felt off-balance.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
I spent time in San Jose with Tom's family, and in Midland with mine.  It was a really lovely holiday.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
I was already in love with my husband... but I think I actually fell in love with me. 

22. How many one-night stands?
None. 

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Modern Family.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I try not to dwell on conflicts with others.

25. What was the best book you read?
Bossypants, by Tina Fey.  Totally enveloping, amusing and endearing.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I'm not sure I had one this year.  The most recent album in most frequent rotation is probably Book of Mormon.

27. What did you want and get?
Goals fulfilled.

28. What did you want and not get?
The next set of goals fulfilled! Which is OK. They're for this year.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Artist, by leaps and bounds.

30. What did you do on your birthday?
I turned 32.  I went to a botanical garden with friends.  I hosted the first edition of Supper Club 600.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
It was pretty damned satisfying as it was.  A random lucky break is always nice - but come to think of it, I actually had one of them.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
 I'd call it "Oh crap, I just bought it but it's already baggy."  I did the best I could with a limited wardrobe (thanks to the weight loss) and I put outfits together pretty well, considering.

33. What kept you sane?
Tom.  Budget spreadsheets.  Slimmons.  Friends.  You.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don't think there was one I "fancied," but after watching both seasons of Louis C.K.'s show, I'm in professional awe.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Occupy movement - or, more specifically, the ignorant backlash against it - stirred me.  Also, the marriage equality debate.  (Why is it even a debate?)

36. Who did you miss?
Mom.  Always.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
So, so many of them.  I met so many wonderful people this year, who became vital to my journey and my life.  Among them - Richard, Rochelle, Samantha, Alexa, Joanne and Mia.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
You will feel the most content when you're taking the best care of yourself.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
And so it goes.
This soldier knows
The battle of the heart isn't easily won.
But it can be won.

KEEP BREATHING.

Yesterday I was full of fear.

Afraid that the addiction would overcome me, instead of the other way around.
Afraid that I'd gain what I lost.
Afraid I would lose what I gained.
That I wouldn't listen to myself.
That there were people listening to me.
That if I struggled, and shared that struggle, people would judge me.
That if I didn't share my struggle, I would be dishonest with others - and with myself.
That I would end up in a jail of my own creation.
That I don't have what I takes.
To beat addiction.
To stay focused.
To create beautiful things.
To build a career.
To maintain my strength.
To maintain my health, in tandem with any of those other things that I was afraid I couldn't do.

Yesterday I was full of fear.

Today I am breathing.

The big picture is terrifying.  But I need not look directly at it, searing my eyes like the sun.  I have to remember that each small step draws me closer.  All I need to do is keep my eyes on each small step.  And breathe.

Share your truth and keep breathing.
Be mindful and keep breathing.
Gather yourself and keep breathing.
Put pen to paper and keep breathing.
Get active and keep breathing.
Be still and keep breathing.
Forgive yourself and keep breathing.

I just tried art journaling for the first time.  I'm not an artist, but I am a recovering perfectionist.  I remind myself that it does not have to be perfect.  It just has to be true.

  
Food log, Tuesday September 20
Breakfast - Slice of whole grain bread with 1/2 peach and 2 tb fat free ricotta mixed with 1/4 tsp sugar-free almond syrup.  1 boiled egg.
Morning snack - 16 oz pressed vegetable juice.
Late lunch - at a combination restaurant/movie theater.  3 mini roasted portobello sliders with about a cup of chips.  Ginger chicken fresh spring roll in rice paper.  Peanut butter mousse.
Dinner - I didn't eat it.
Beverages - 64 oz water.

Food log, Wednesday September 21
Breakfast - at a buffet restaurant. Egg Beaters omelet with mushrooms and cheese. 1/2 slice french toast with tsp syrup. 1 chicken sausage. 1/2 cup hash browns. 1/2 cup apple salad.  Two pieces of pineapple.  Mini bagel with 2 oz salmon, 2 tomato slices, and tsp cream cheese.
Lunch - at a restaurant.  Seared ahi tuna chopped salad with cabbage and champagne vinaigrette.  Side order of corn bread with tb maple butter.
Snack - I bought a very large box of coconut candy.  I ate two pieces, and, disgusted with myself, threw the rest away.
Dinner - at a mini golf course. Small turkey sandwich with lettuce and tomato.
Beverages - 4 ounces coconut water with pomegranate and acai, 8 ounces skim milk, 64 ounces water

It's not perfect, but it's true.

Take care of you.

I'm full.

This week has been a little bit taxing for me.

For one thing, the weather has been gross in Los Angeles.  Right at this moment, it is 93 degrees.  Tuesday the high was 98.  Yesterday, 96.  Thank heavens it's going to cool off next week, because I don't think I can handle another heat wave this year.  It makes Slimmons feel like a sauna, and I get nauseous after working out.  It makes our air conditioner cry.  Literally. The condensation is dripping all over our bathroom floor. (Yes, that's where our central AC unit is.  No, I don't know why they put it there!)  It makes me weary and cranky.

I am full up on weather.

For another thing, I seem to have lost my mojo.  I usually have such fire and passion for whatever I'm working on.  This week, I got nothin'.  I managed to clean and launder in preparation for Dad's visit, and surely, that is an undertaking when the weather is gross and your laundry is backlogged and your cat has been having accidents.  But Supper Club is two days away, and I am way behind on preparation... and yet, I can't seem to light that fire under my rump.  (It probably doesn't help that it's roasting.)  Since I'm a freelancer, I am solely responsible for my fiery rump.  Nobody else is going to light it for me.

But I'm full up on self-motivation.

Last, but not least, I am full up on food.  I don't know what it was... whether my dip below 300 pounds is somehow threatening to my subconscious status-quo... whether I was feeling drained because of the heat, and thus more emotional... or whether it was just my addiction rearing up.  But twice this week, I overate.  And I somehow did it both knowingly and unthinkingly. 

This summer, Tom and I discovered (and fell in love with) Louis CK's show, Louie, on FX.  It's not for everybody, but it's definitely for us.  After we streamed the first season on Netflix, we wanted to catch up on his various stand-up specials.  So last night we watched part of Chewed Up.

Louis is overweight, and he tells stories about his experience that are honest and side-splittingly funny.  And if you have behavioral eating problems, those stories are also painful and very, very familiar.

I'm going to embed audio of the special below... but it's definitely Not Safe For Work, and also Not Safe For Delicate Ears.  If your ears are tender, you should probably skip listening.



The line that really pierced me was:

"And [my doctor] is trying to get a handle on my eating habits. He's like, 'Dude, OK, look. How soon into a meal do you typically feel full and stop eating?'  I'm like, 'I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal is not over when I'm full.  The meal is over when I hate myself.  That's when I stop.'"

Yep.  I've been there.  I was there not once, but twice this week.  That, my friends, is not taking care of myself.  That is leaning on my addiction as a way to punish myself.

And I am full up on punishing myself.

So how do I stop it?  I have been very good about mindful eating, and stopping at 'full' all year, so I have a pretty good routine established.  I wake up and follow that routine, and it's usually not a problem.  I'll never be a perfect.. anything.  Let alone a perfect eater.  But I want to be sure that taking care of me is always the priority.

It's been a few days since that last binge, and I haven't made a misstep since.  There's another misstep waiting in my future, but my goal is to talk it out as soon as I feel it coming on.  Calling Tom or another one of my supportive loved ones always helps me to sort out whatever emotion I'm trying to numb.  And if I'm not successful? Well, I'll be honest about it with all of you, and I'll do my best to remember not only that every day is a new day, but that every moment is a new moment.  No need to wait for tomorrow if you make one mistake today.

So I'll take care of me... and you take care of you... and we'll keep doing the best we can.

Weigh-in Tuesday... am I worth it?

I wasn't that surprised when I hopped on the scale this week and found myself up a pound.  I logged 5 solid workouts last week, and I ate really well as inspired by the market food I blogged about.  But all the good action and healthy moderation at mealtime... does NOT mean I get to indulge in desserts in between meals all weekend.

Oh, it didn't seem so bad at first.

At Tender Greens: "That rustic plum tart is made with wholesome, real ingredients. And we're celebrating Tom's new job! That's OK."

But it went on from there.

At Brite Spot: "We never come here anymore. I ate a healthy, mindful meal. And I'm avoiding the banana cream pie. It's OK to share a banana cupcake."

At a friend's birthday party: "It's her birthday. I'm not going to not eat birthday cake. And that's... ok, right?"

And then it got worse.

At a stitch-n-bitch: "Well, geez. Cream pie is haunting me. It's here. It looks good. I'll have a small slice."

Yesterday while running errands: "Oh, screw it. I've already messed up my weekly weigh-in. And Tom is not here and I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm right outside Yummy Cupcakes. Might as well have one."

The truth is that each dessert would have fit into my plan... if I'd chosen one of them.  I should've just planned for birthday cake at the party. Or had the tart and passed on everything else.  But I didn't.

It's not the end of the world, and I'm not going to flagellate myself for overindulging.  I'm just going to take it easy on refined sugar, and work on the one response from the list above that worries the most: "Oh, screw it. I've already messed up my weekly weigh-in."

I'm going to repeat what I've said here before, for my own benefit: my healthy choices do not revolve around my weekly weigh-in. And this is, in part, why.  I don't ever want my weigh-in to be an excuse to penalize myself.  If my eating isn't perfectly balanced, I should not (and do not want to) binge as punishment.  Nor do I want to eat healthfully as punishment.  I want to eat healthfully because it makes me feel good, it helps my body feel stronger and move better. I want to eat healthfully because it makes my life better.  I want to eat healthfully because I am worth it.

So. Today I'm going to list 6 reasons I'm worth it, to help encourage me on my way.

1. I am worth it because I've come so far.
   Already in the past seven months, I've seen how taking care of my body, my mind and my spirit has led to incredible growth, physical strength, mental focus, and not least of all, happiness. I have proven to myself that this process can be filled with joy.  And it's OK for me to feel that joy.
   
2. I am worth it because I have so far to go.
   That incredible growth still has room for further - even exponential - growth.  I have lost 65 (well, 64 again as of today) pounds and yet I am still morbidly obese. Am I healthier than I've ever been? Damn straight.  Can I become healthier, more centered, stronger? Damn straight.  It's feasible.  I am capable of it.  And I want to pursue the lifelong progress of improved health.
   
3. I am worth it because I'm a good friend, a good sister, a good daughter, a good wife.
   As a compassionate person, my loved ones matter deeply to me. The way I treat my loved ones matters to me.  I want to be the best friend, sister, daughter, wife... that I can possibly be.  And the best way I can do that is to keep myself strong and healthy.  I want to be there for them.
   
4. I am worth it because I want to be a good mother someday. 
   Right now, I'm not ready yet - physically or mentally.  Before my body (may) let me be a mother, I need to physically prepare - through continual healthy progress.  And before my brain will let me be a mother, I need to mentally prepare.  I do not want to be a parent who continues the cycle of disordered eating.  I want to teach my child the joys of healthy food in moderation - and I can't do that while I'm still learning. 
   
5. I am worth it because I have stories to tell.  I have lots of stories to tell.  I have true stories to tell, here on the blog.  I have food stories to tell, through Supper Club 600.  And when it comes to fictional stories, Tom and I share a book of 130 plot ideas we've developed, for stories to tell through film, television, and novels.  I want to tell these stories, and keep telling them, for as long as I can.  And in order to do that... I need to take good care of myself.
   
6. I am worth it because I believe everyone is worth it.
   Each of us deserves happiness.  And I know we can work together to support our journeys to success.  I believe in everyone's capacity for growth - especially when hard work backs up that growth.  And I have to remind myself that I can't believe in everyone having worth... without acknowledging my own worth.  I am worth this.  So are you.

That's it for today.  Thanks for being here, even when I'm not on track full-force.  I'm an addict - to a substance that I need in order to survive - so I'll have to deal with roller coasters my whole life.  The key is to realize that I'm on that coaster, and get off as soon as I do.  So today, I'm standing outside the roller coaster photo booth, missing the sugar air-time, but feeling kind of glad to have my feet on the ground.  I'm taking care of me.  I hope you'll take care of you, too.

BOOBS.

Made you look!

But, actually, boobs really are the topic of today's Fashion Friday column.  If you're opposed to the discussion of sweater puppies, you best be on your way.  (Otherwise, please know that this discussion will be safe-for-work.)

Sweater puppies.
photo via videobash

I developed pretty young, which wasn't necessarily fun for me, since it meant I'd have yet another measurement nudging me out of the girls' clothes department.  I even remember overhearing another girl in my sixth-grade class say - pejoratively - that "if Heidi cut off her boobs, they'd make two holes in the floor."  Later in life, having a sizable rack might've been something I would appreciate... but at the time, I felt nothing but shame.

Sizable rack.
photo via WallDesigns

As I gained weight, my breasts ended up looking not-so-large in comparison to the rest of me.  In college, a couple of crude guys in acting class were talking about our classmates' assets - whose were big, and who were lacking.  I remember piping up that they'd forgotten mine... to which one of them replied "well, you're big so your tits don't count."  Thanks, sport. You stay classy!

That is one beautiful tit.
Image via DailyMail

I eventually came to appreciate my body, and have felt partial to my breasts ever since.  Until... well... until now.

Exercise and healthy eating has done all kinds of wonderful things for me.  It has also... well... it has also wreaked all kinds of havoc upon my breasts.  What was buoyant now sinks.  And I thought I was stuck with this for life.

What I didn't realize was that as my clothing size changed, so did my bra size.  Why wouldn't I have thought of this?  I don't know, but man, until as recently as a month ago, I was still wearing some of the bras I was wearing last year.

That all changed when my friend Alexa, the lovely Curvy Nerd, dragged me to Intimacy, a lingerie store in Culver City.

"It's amazing," she said, "it changed my life."

"You're crazy," I said, "but I love an adventure."  So the two of us, and my visiting friend Rena, headed over to the store.

When we arrived at the storefront, I became anxious.  Hanging in the window were a large array of beautiful, delicate... tiny... bras.  I have boobs that are neither delicate nor tiny, and in the past, there had to be a very large amount of structure (wire, foam, armor...) to support me.  But Alexa assured me that they had bras for all sizes.

I met with my sizing specialist, who explained that they sized ladies visually, without a measuring tape.  She took one look at my boobs and then left.  Which seemed embarrassing, but then she came back with an armful of bras, which she helped me shimmy into.

It turns out that the bra band I thought I should be wearing was TEN INCHES LARGER than the bra band I needed to be wearing.  And that when I'm wearing the right-sized bra - and one that's well-made - there's no drooping, and I can actually wear delicate lace.  Who knew?

To demonstrate the difference between the bra I was wearing, and the bra I purchased at Intimacy, I took some photos this morning, while wearing a light jersey tank from Lane Bryant.

Old and droopy on the left. New and perky on the right.
Tom noticed that I was smiling much more in the better bra.

  

Again, old on left, new on right.

  

So... if you're feeling a little droopy these days, by all means head out to a bra sizing with specialists.  There are Intimacy stores in Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Houston, Miami, Los Angeles, New York, Orange County, Philadelphia, San Diego, Scottsdale, and Washington D.C. 

And if you're not near an Intimacy store, I highly recommend seeking out a bra specialty store (not, like, a Lane Bryant or a Victoria's Secret, but a real specialty store.)  Wearing the right bra can mean the difference between good posture and bad posture... or confidence and embarrassment.

I'm off for now, but I'll be back next week with more fun and joyful ways to take care of you and I.  Until then, I hope you'll keep doing good things for you!

Zen-Makin' Sunday (a prequel to Friend-Makin' Monday)

Recently I've felt like a bit like I'm Fozzie Bear, standing onstage amidst an onslaught of rotten tomatoes.

Which is, to say, not so swell.

  

But I received some excellent advice on Thursday - to rest.  I think there's been so much going on that I have felt more and more stretched, less and less centered.  Certainly less present.  So I heeded that advice, and made sure that did things that were restful.

This is not to say that I sat around on the couch.  In fact, I did very little of that.  Rest doesn't have to involve inactivity.  It's almost more of a mindset than an action.   It may actually be more about what I didn't do, than what I did do.  I call this "zen-gathering."

I did not...

• ... stress about work or budgets.
• ... try to numb myself with food (and I'm proud to say that throughout all of the emotions or stress I've gone through lately, I have been able to keep myself from eating emotionally.)
• ... talk about myself negatively, even once, all day Sunday.  I've been a wellspring of negative self-talk lately, and that's unusual for me. I made a conscious decision to nip it in the bud, and as a result, Sunday felt so much more happy and balanced.

 
I did...

• ... work out, very hard.  That made 6 for 7 days this week (with one planned rest day) - which is my best record since surgery.  Saturday's workout was at Slimmons as usual - though it was particularly fun for us since it was movie-music themed.  Richard came dressed as Frank-N- Furter, and I couldn't resist waiting in line for a picture afterward.

If this picture had audio, you'd know that "Singin' in the Rain" was playing as Patty took it.

• ... see a movie.  We're still riding on our stored-up Arclight points, so we got to see Cowboys & Aliens for free.  I won't spoil it for anyone, but I will say that I felt modestly positive about it, and that Daniel Craig sure packs a punch.
• ... collaborate with Tom to plan out our food and work schedule for the week.
• ... spend some chill, relaxing time with friends.  As I grow older, I seem to be less of an extrovert, in the sense that I get more energy out of time alone (and with Tom) than I do from time spent with others.  But mellow time with people I enjoy always reminds me that just because I'm more introverted than I used to be, it doesn't mean I'm not an extrovert.
• ... go on our weekly food shopping trip, including Super King, Trader Joe's, and our farmer's market, which is just beginning to hit prime harvest season.

That trip to the farmer's market - along with the nix on negative self-talk - might've been the turning point for me.  I was consistently grouchy for over a week, but that all changed when I sat down at the Farmer's Kitchen, a farm-to-table restaurant run by the market.  While we waited for breakfast to arrive, Tom and I shared a four-ounce cup of nearby Carmela Ice Cream's new flavor, Lemon & Olive Oil.

I know, I know. Ice cream for breakfast. Isn't that unhealthy? Could that be emotional eating?

Well, it would be unhealthy if it was a large serving, but it was a tiny serving.  It would be unhealthy if it were full of fillers and candy and crap, but it was organic, with natural ingredients made by an artisan company.  It would be emotional eating if I were not otherwise addressing the emotions I've been feeling, but I have been working very hard on that.  Or if I wasn't hungry (I was), if it triggered a binge (it didn't) or if I wasn't mindful.  And I was extremely mindful.

In fact, it was a very sensory experience.  I closed my eyes and let the tangy flavors linger on my tongue.  I thought about the ingredients, about the way they work together, and how it could inform my own cooking.  I talked about those ideas with Tom.  It was as mindful an experience with food as any I've had. Although though there were only a few spoonfuls of the ice cream, focusing on it mindfully made it infinitely more satisfying than any large bowl of low-quality junk food would have been.  Better than any gourmet meal that I didn't pay attention to.

That experience led to the next... and the next.  I reflected as I enjoyed my Farmer's Kitchen egg-and-squash-blossom scramble with sauteed fresh greens.  That mindfulness inspired a few of the beautiful fresh market purchases we made, which will in turn inspire some upcoming posts for Finishing the Hat.  It's surprising just how much one little thing - like a small but savored indulgence - can inspire and snowball into more and more mindfulness and creativity.... whereas mindless emotional eating can snowball into binges or other unhealthy behavior.

Do you pay attention to your meals?  Or do you multi-task, do you have to read or watch or talk while you eat?  You might consider taking some time to really think about and savor your food.  It's surprising how vibrant a meal can be when it's the center of your attention.  Take care of you today, and give it a try!

And, finally... Friend Makin' Monday: the Girly Edition! I actually helped contribute to the questions this week.

1) Do you like to shop?
I do. I find it creatively stimulating. I love looking at product design, I love discovering things I've never seen before, or new ways at looking at things. All of these things can be done at a well-curated museum... but just as easily done at a well-curated boutique. I do far more window-shopping than purchasing, and I find it just as enjoyable.

2) How often do you wear makeup?
It seems that my answer is directly correlated to how long I've known people.  If I'm comfortable with you, I'm probably not wearing much makeup, or any at all.  If I know I'm meeting you for the first time, you can bet I'm wearing some makeup (albeit natural-looking.)  I think it's a confidence thing.

3) How do you feel about nail polish?
I can't keep it on my fingernails - I'm a peeler.  So I buff the fingers and (sometimes) paint the toes (if I'm pampering myself.)

4) Do you consider yourself a feminist?
At this point in time, I think it's kind of odd that anyone would not think of themselves as a feminist. Really, at the core, feminism is about equal rights and respect for women.  Every man and woman should want that.

5) What's your biggest challenge as a woman?
I've seen gender prejudice in action in the workplace.  Heck, do you see how few women work as directors, as compared to men?  I'm not sure how you solve that problem... but I'm going to keep doing my best, and hope that people will see it.

6) Do you wear skirts and dresses? Or do you prefer something else?
I love skirts and dresses, because I think they're cute, and I generally find them more comfortable than anything else.  (Full disclosure: I'm probably wearing bike shorts underneath, which is the key to that comfort.)

7) How do you feel about high heels?
I have never, ever, EVER felt comfortable in them. Maybe it's my weight. Maybe it's just me. But give me a cute pair of strappy sandal wedges or ballet flats, and I'm happy. 

8) Do you subscribe to magazines?
Boy, howdy.  My favorite is Real Simple, though I also subscribe to Health. As a treat, I sometimes buy myself a copy of Martha Stewart Living, or her health offshoot, Whole Living.  On a plane I almost always read Entertainment Weekly.  I realized recently that if you combined all of the magazines and blogs I read, the collective mission statement would read:  "Let's host a freakin' gorgeous - yet tasty and healthy- dinner party.  And then watch a movie afterward."  Is there any wonder I came up with Supper Club 600? 

9) Do you shave your legs/wax/use depilatory/go au naturale?
I'd like to say that I shave regularly. Really, I would.  Semi-regularly is probably more like it. (Sorry about that, friends at Slimmons.  I have a husband who just doesn't care about absence or presence of leg hair.)

10) What is your favorite thing about being a woman?
I love that I can embrace my femininity, and be strong... and that in this culture, at this time, those two things don't have to be contradictory.

Requiem for a Ceiling

I'd like to recite a poem to commemorate the passing of my bedroom ceiling.

Oh, bedroom ceiling, naught where once you'd been,
I shudder when I think of all you've seen.
Though soon we'll have you patched and laced with paint,
For now we must admit: up there, you ain't.


Our very nice new upstairs neighbors found out that the previous condo owners did not, in fact, fix the pipes like we were all told.  Our kittens were fascinated/horrified by the leak coming through the ceiling, and then by the plumbers who cut a person-sized hole so as to fix the neighbors' pipes above.  Oh, multi-family dwellings, you suck.

On the up-side, this means that we have motivation to paint our bedroom after the ceiling is fixed - so I started to consider actually decorating it, too.

We've had the makings for a kick-ass space-age mid-century-mod bedroom for some time.  We've been collecting bit by bit over the years... we've just never gotten around to putting it together.  So I took the opportunity to create one collage of the pieces we have, and a second collage of the pieces we'd like in order to complete it.

It's currently a splattering of thoughtless and dull colors, and we're going with a red/aqua/turquoise/black pallette.

Here are the things we already have:

Clockwise from top left:
Chaise Longue by EQ3
Aqua swirl vase by Crate & Barrel
Retro red duvet by EQ3
Sunburst clock by Timekeeper
Antique dresser refurbished by Zamba in Burbank (yet to be repainted; for colors, see next image)
Wall sconce by Crate & Barrel

   
 Here are the things we still need:

Paint, in four shades.  (We already own bookcases, but we love this painted backsplash idea from Real Simple)
Arc lamp by George Kovacs
Pillow slipcovers by Etsy artists kainkain and sassypillows

   
I'm hoping that these collages - and the ceiling disaster - will help me get my butt in gear, because I really respond to whatever space I'm in. Creative spaces make my brain feel creative.  Cluttered spaces make my brain feel cluttered.  And I have a lot of creative work to do, and no room for cluttered thinking!  So here's hoping this helps me boost my creative juices.  It'll be a couple of weeks before we can get everything in place, but I'll follow up as soon as we do.

How about you?  Do you have any home projects that are hanging over your head?  How do you motivate yourselves to get down to business (without, say, ceiling waterfalls?)

Okey-dokey. I'm off to do some work of my own.  Back tomorrow with some flashy fashions... and I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing!  'Til then, take care of you!

Weigh-In Tuesday... with a tale of three whoops-es.

It's a "whoops" weigh-in today for a couple of reasons. 

Whoops #1: yesterday was the fourth of July.  I ate healthfully and well all day, until we went to our party.  It was kind of a perfect storm for me.

• I was missing my family. My programming says "eat, eat, eat when you're lonely."
• I was surrounded by delicious food.   My programming says "eat, eat, eat when there's food in front of you."
• It was a holiday AND a party.  My programming says "eat, eat, eat at parties and on holidays."  
• I was getting anxious about my surgery (which was finally scheduled, and then recently moved forward to TOMORROW.)  And my programming says "eat, eat, eat, when you're emotional."
• And I forgot to eat dinner before going to the party.  For me, the healthy meal beforehand is the biggest preventative for bad party eating.

So, yeah, I ate at the party.  Not terribly, I just ate about 600 calories more than I usually do.  (Which takes me to the perfectly-acceptable-for-maintenance 2000 total.)  I enjoyed the food I ate, so I'm not upset or regretful about the party eating - I'm just being open about the challenges I face when my behavioral issues rear their ugly heads.

Whoops #2:  after the lovely party that I enjoyed thoroughly, I started to get even more anxious about my surgery. And I couldn't fall asleep.  And after being up so late, I found myself... feeling hungry again.  I fall asleep early so late-night eating isn't usually a problem for me.   In this situation, if I was struggling with making a healthier choice, I should have woken up one of the very supportive resources who were sleeping upstairs.  Tom and Rena have been and continue to be great companions on my journey to good health and balance, and I am sure that neither of them would have been upset to wake up and help me talk through it.  But, I didn't.  I ate an ounce of turkey and a Laughing Cow wedge, and drank a couple ounces of milk.  Not the least healthy choices, but not anything my body actually needed.  And eating late at night affects the scale in the morning more than eating that same food earlier in the day.

Whoops #3: before I could weigh in today, I ate breakfast.  I didn't do this to consciously sabotage my weigh-in this morning... but I wouldn't put it past my subconscious mind.  I always weigh in the exact same way each Tuesday: after restroom, before breakfast.  It's the easiest way to get a clear picture of my actual progress week to week (not affected by whatever I have or haven't passed, what I have or haven't eaten.)  Now that window for today has slipped, by so whatever I weigh, it's going to be heavier than what it should be.

Regardless of all of this information, the bottom line here is that I have or need no excuses for my weigh-in today; it is what it is, and I take responsibility for it.  I'm currently up by 2 pounds from last week. 

It'll be a weird weigh-in next week, too.  Surgery tomorrow, followed by no exercise for a week.  I'm going to work with Tom and Richard to lower my calorie count a little to help accommodate for the lack of exercise, but I don't want to stress about it.  I want to be kind to my body and take care of myself, physically and emotionally.  And if I do that, I don't need to worry about numbers - good health will follow, and that is what matters most.

Thanks to my three closest blogger pals, this will actually be my last post for the week.  Alexa, David and Kenlie will be visiting Finishing the Hat with guest posts for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday respectively.  I'm so excited for you to hear more from them, and hopefully for you to check out their lovely blogs too.  And I'm grateful to have all three of them in my life.  I hope you will show them some love while they're visiting!

I'm going to go and have a mindful day, gathering some zen and taking care of me.  And while I'm gone this week... please, take care of you, too.  I'll be back soon!

Friend Makin' Monday, plus a weekend recap

We had a bit of a crazy weekend, full of interesting and unusual outings, so I thought I'd kick off the week by recapping our fun, in brief:

• Tom and I went with Alexa from The Curvy Nerd to catch a Friday evening showing of X-Men First Class. I was surprised by just how much I enjoyed it.  I thought the history parallels were clever, and found the characters and their relationships compelling.  (I could've done without the actual members of the first class, but there was enough Charles/Erik to keep me involved.)

• We kicked off Saturday morning with a trip to Slimmons, where we wore our swimsuits for Richard's "Life's a Beach" dance party.  You can see us dancing to "Beach Baby" early on in this video from class...

• Saturday was also my mother-in-law Jean's birthday, so we spent the afternoon with her - introducing her to our new kitten Lon, seeing the very zen documentary Cave of Forgotten Dreams at the Sunset 5, and enjoying a light dinner at the nearby Veggie Grill restaurant. 

• Our friend Samantha, who is an excellent and fun artist, had a show at Space 2710, so we ended the evening checking out her adorable felt pug-in-hat portraits.

• I'd been invited to check out a Curvy Closet Raid from the lovely local plus-sized fashion icons, Danielle, Reah and Monique - so we hit the road around 7, hoping our early-bird arrival would make for all kinds of wormy fashion.  Well, that metaphor's terrible, but you know what I mean!  I ended up scoring a lot of beautiful pieces from each of the women, all which will help fill out my closet as my wardrobe is starting to shrink (while I do.)  Thanks, ladies, for the excellent threads!

• While on the road, we took the opportunity to check out some local estate sales.  We love the chance to peek at LA real estate (and find cool vintage scores!) and it's cheap entertainment, too.  We found one excellent treasure that I'll be using for a blog entry soon!

• It was Gay Pride Day in Los Angeles - and Tom and I are big supporters of gay rights, so we went with some of our gay friends to watch and cheer for the pride parade and attend their party.  While there, one singers from of the marching choruses spotted me singing along to "We Dance" from Once On This Island.  He hopped out of line to come invite me to join!  I love singing and haven't done it with a group in quite a long time... so I'm actually giving the offer some consideration.  I need more showtunes in my life.

• Exhausted, we headed home to play with kittens and listen to the soundtrack for Trey Parker and Matt Stone's new musical, The Book of Mormon, for the first time before watching it sweep the Tony awards.  If you're curious, it's on sale at Amazon today for $1.99 - that's how we purchased it.  Huzzah for sales! It is hilarious (and very irreverent and explicit, so listen at your own risk.)   It turns out that our satellite was knocked off alignment and won't be fixed until later this week, so thank goodness for streaming TV online.  

Man! That was a busy weekend.  No wonder I slept in today (and took so long to post my blog entry!)

It's still Monday, so of course I've got a Friend Makin' Monday question to include...

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts.

FMM: If you lived in a movie, which one would it be?  And which character would you play?

Oh, the first one that comes to mind is Amelie, from Amelie.

  
At least, she's who I aspire to be, in ways.

I love the gentle, peaceful sort of whimsy of the film.

  

I love that Amelie creates adventures for herself.

And that she encourages others to embark on their own adventures.

She's shy, but she overcomes that shyness to do good deeds for other people.  And she sees things that no one else sees.

  
OK.  I've got a to-do list as long as the day, and half of the day to do it in, so I'm off to work on that.  I hope that your day is lovely and fun, and that you spend it taking good care of you.  Til tomorrow!

In honor of our anniversary... a look back at our wedding

Four years ago today, I married my very best friend.

Remember yesterday how I talked about our mutual love of theme parties?  Well, our wedding was the granddaddy of them all.  Our mutual love of (and desire to work on) movies brought us together (and in the long run has made for a wonderful creative partnership as writers.)  So when we thought about our wedding, it seemed to us like it should really include the thing which made us... us.  So we did.  We had a movie-themed wedding.

From our Save-the-Dates...

...to our invitations...

...to our tables, each featuring a poster for one of our favorite classic films.
(My dad was at the "Father of the Bride" table, naturally.)

We even held our "cocktail" hour in a movie theater.
It was in the same complex as our ballroom and hotel.
(No cocktails at the cocktail hour, btw, but there was popcorn and Junior Mints.)

We played a trailer from each of our theme tables at the beginning of the cocktail hour, before the movie we cut together for the occasion.  Man, it really pays to marry a film/tv editor.  For your enjoyment, Tom and I have uploaded the movie in two parts.  It's about 20 minutes long, but it's pretty fun (especially a couple of sections in the second half.)








As you can tell, we're kind of made-to-be.  Before I met him, I didn't really believe that anyone out there was made-to-be with me.  But after we met, it just became clear that we were meant to meet only then, when we were ready for each other - and not before.  He has made me so happy over the past (almost!) seven years, and I'm incredibly grateful for him every day.

Our engagement photos, taken at Union Station by Paul Manke Photography

Our big day was beautiful.

All photos by Kat Foley Photography

Ten minutes before the wedding, I received this text message from Tom.

Girl talk before the ceremony

Our flower girl holding her pomander.

My party (we had gender-blind parties)

His party, midriff

His party, feet. (One of my favorite pictures of the wedding.)

Our unity candle

We're short on pictures of the wedding day, alas, because we've been waiting to purchase the full digital rights to the photos.  But by next year's 5th anniversary, we will have some other fun shots for you. Maybe even... dare I say... another movie?

We spent a lot of time in advance, making things by hand (both because we have specific tastes, and because it's a lot more reasonable in terms of budget to DIY.)  Thank goodness I had some Photoshop skills - it saved us tons.

Our program cover, pattern courtesy of iStockPhoto, monogram by me

The inside of our invitation, with royalty-free art, design by me

I even made our favors. With help from Tom, his mom Jean, and our dear friend Audra.
All guests received a tin themed to the table where they sat.

If you're short on magnets, feeling crafty, or need a good favor for an occasion, you're welcome to make these.  I digitally colored little bits of royalty-free art deco designs, printed them out, and punched them using a circle punch about the size of a flat glass marble.  Then the group of us glued the paper to a magnet backing, and a glass marble to the paper.  Wha-la!  You can download my colored designs, here.  Or you can use your own favorite art or photos!

Looking back on all of this makes me feel so incredibly blessed.  And kind of exhausted.  DIY weddings are hard work!  And it was the wedding of our dreams... so I'm glad that we only had to do it once!  Now the marriage... I'm glad we get to do THAT every day.  I wish you all the kind of happiness I have found with Tom.  And I hope you'll all take care of yourselves, and your loved ones too.

And Tom?  Happy anniversary, my Harmour Love.  lll