I'm still behind. And I want to get this post out of the way because I have a post that I'm genuinely excited about to write today. This post... I don't want to write it. But I'm going to write it. Because one of the most important parts of my journey to better health can be described with one VERY important word:
Without honesty, I might still be secretly eating.
Without honesty, I don't have to remind myself where I've been, where I want to go, and where I am on that path.
Without honesty, I could be choosing to subconsciously punish my mistakes with more mistakes.
Without honesty, others who are on their own journeys would get a flawed picture of what it's like for me to be on mine.
Without honesty, I would break the trust between myself and my loved ones. Myself and my readers. Myself and MYSELF.
Without honesty, I could continue on a path of not taking care of myself, because I'd be duping myself - and others - that I was.
But you know what? I don't WANT to be on a path of not taking care of myself.
Let's get rid of the double-negatives in that sentence.
I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
And nothing... no stress, no projects, no passion, no work, no people, no emotion, no NOTHING... is going to get in the way of taking care of myself.
So here is the truth. Here is my honesty.
I work really hard to lose weight. Really, really hard.
This week, I didn't work hard enough. I gained 3 pounds. I did so by letting myself get wrapped up in a project I loved, and putting that project before myself. I did so by being mindless about food. I did not take the time to follow my plan or get to the gym or track what I ate. And later, I let myself get down and stressed, and leaned on my addiction to get through it.
And that's not OK.
I'm having a hard time not beating myself up about it. But that usually leads to the whole subconsciously-punishing-mistakes-with-other-mistakes thing I wrote about above. So, instead, I'm just being honest. And I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off, and keeping on this life-long journey of taking care of me. I have plans, checks-and-balances, in place to help me as I work through this. And I know I can do this. I am fighting for me.